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"Every
soul that has chosen to walk in the ways of the Spirit may be tested and
tried, must go through the fiery furnace, so that all the dross is burnt
away and only the purest gold is left. Be grateful for every test and
trial. As each one is faced and won, you find yourself further along the
spiritual path, ever nearer the goal." Given
to Eileen Caddy…by God
God Spoke To Me (1971) |
"I love
you," and "I forgive you" are some of the most powerful words we can say
and feel. And yet, all alone and in a class by themselves, are three other words that are
far more profound than we can imagine... "God help me."
Have you ever reached a point in life where the suffering, pain and fear are so intense
you fall to your knees with tears in your eyes and beg God to help you? I have. And I
assure you that I meant every word of it. I was desperate, scared and depressed. My life
was turning upside down and inside out and I couldn't seem to stop it no matter how hard I
tried.
Thirteen years ago a series of unexpected events came out of nowhere and began to change
the entire course of my life. It started slowly at first. At that point life was still
manageable, still salvageable. Things hadn't gotten totally out of control yet. I
managed to pull myself together, prayed to God, took a deep mental breath and brought a renewed
sense energy to my career and personal life. That always worked for me and I was confident
things would fall into place as they had before.
It was all short-lived. Without warning, another wave of events made their way into my
world, beginning with the spring of 1991. These were far more serious. Over the next
seven years the crises intensified and picked up pace to such a degree that I found myself
reaching out to God in ways I never thought possible. I did this to hold onto my sanity
and to prevent myself from slipping into a state of permanent hopelessness and despair.
This was uncharted territory for me and I'm not ashamed to admit that I was scared. For
the first time, it seemed that no matter what I did or how hard I tried I had lost control
of my life.
My need for God's
help intensified to a point never reached before in my life. It took an awful lot to move
me in that direction. Before it all started I was reasonably comfortable with life. Things
were going well. I was able to plan and build for the future. A rewarding career, a nice
home in the country, the joy my children gave me, a devoted mother for those children, my
love affair with the sea and a wonderful family circle were softening the effects of a
weakening marriage. It could have been a lot worse. Through it all I considered myself very
fortunate. Compromised as it was, I could have spent the rest of my life this way.
Then "it" happened by storming out of nowhere and catching me totally by
surprise. When I thought my crisis had peaked, I fell to my knees and prayed
to God for help, for answers, for guidance, for an end to the suffering and pain.
Incredibly, it got worse over the next seven years! Without warning, the world I once knew
and enjoyed began to crumble all around me, and, hard as I tried, I couldn't prevent it
from coming to an end.
Personal crisis and upheaval can come in different forms any one of which can bring on pain, suffering and the
threat of mental and physical breakdown. Financial ruin, a bitter divorce, loss of
one's home, business failures, loss of one's career, lack of employment, loss of control over one's life, runaway debt,
back taxes unpaid, qualifying for bankruptcy, loss of family life, lack of purpose and
fulfillment, profound loneliness and despair, years of intense depression, loss of
confidence and self-esteem, loss of identity, major decisions gone wrong, borrowing
from family to survive, failing as a head of household for those I cared about or any
combination of the above.
I've been through all of them over the past seven years and each
experience was more than enough to get my undivided attention. When added together in such
a short period of time, the weight of it all became unbearable and brought me to the point
where it was extremely difficult to function normally in everyday reality.
It can also bring one to say "God help me, please." I did and I meant it. I
assure you, this is a very sobering moment of truth in one's life.
After asking for help the first time, I felt a sense of peace and calm. After all, I truly
believed it would come. Over the next seven years something entirely different
happened and it was totally different than what I expected. My life was supposed to get better, I was supposed
to find employment so that I could pay the bills, feel professionally fulfilled, provide
for my family, preserve the comfortable life we were enjoying, protect my substantial
savings, remain married, keep the house, the cars, the comforts, the pleasures!
At the same time my crisis started to intensify I also began to awaken spiritually because
of a New Age/metaphysical book my sister gave to me out of the clear blue. As I began to
read it, something big began to stir inside me I never knew existed before and I couldn't
put it down. That book led to many more, and I've read well over 400 of them as of today.
Surprisingly, as I began
to discover who I really am, I found myself in more crisis and upheaval. Now it was my inner world that was coming apart. The spiritual wisdom and
universal truths in these books was seriously threatening my fear-based ego and the many
false beliefs it had created for me over the years and previous lives I have lived.
So there I was. My external world was falling apart all around me, as
was my inner world of false beliefs, which had defined who I thought
I was for most of my life... primarily a body enjoying the pleasures of the material
world.
It was a painful, sordid mess. All of this after asking for God's help.
I'm wiser now as I write this story, much wiser in the ways and mysteries of God. I
would like to share some of my newfound insights and wisdom with you...
God loves us unconditionally.
If you ask God for help and mean it,
it will come.
Always remember to let go of the expectations;
God knows what's best for you.
God will not bring Mercedes cars, big houses
or the physical comforts and
pleasures of life.
These things keep us attached
to the material world and focus the ego's attention on it.
It's a rare individual who has all the material comforts of life
and leaves them behind, or keeps them, but serves humanity unselfishly.
God knows we have lost our focus and
that we are no longer centered on our Source.
On the contrary, we are too focused on the needs and
urges of our self-centered ego.
God also knows that out biggest problem is a
fear-based ego that constantly urges
us to survive and have pleasure and gratification without end.
So when you ask God for help what do you
think will happen?
God sees a lost child struggling and in pain;
a child that has become the slave of its selfish ego.
Ego loves the cars, the homes, the comforts. Ego can't get enough of the material pleasures and comforts of life.
So when you ask God for help
you'd better put your seat belt on.
What do you think God will do?
Will God shake your world
to such a degree that
you awaken spiritually
to the magnificent spirit
you really are,
but have forgotten over the ages?
Or will God help you preserve the physical pleasures and comforts of life that
have caused you to forget
who you really are?
Will God help you become unselfish love and
a caring, compassionate, forgiving,
humble, giving spirit,
which is your real heritage?
Or will God help you to stay self-centered and
stuck in the ways of self-gratification?
If you have asked
God for help with a crisis in your life, and afterwards find your world turning upside down
and inside out, don't despair. Just think about the following...
If I ask God to help me, is it happening?
(always and immediately)
Does God know what He/She is doing?
(always)
Then whatever is happening
in my life right now
must be the
result of God's help
(absolutely)
Then the
seeming insanity, pain and suffering
I'm
experiencing
must be serving a purpose
(yes)
It must be serving
a purpose that God
feels is very important for me
(yes)
Does the struggle and pain
have anything
to do with ego death?
(yes)
Just because I continue to suffer pain
and anguish
after asking God for help
means I'm not
being helped?
(absolutely not... read Marnie's story)
Then I should trust and accept
whatever comes
into my life
regardless of what my ego
and I would like to see happen?
(yes)
Then I should surrender it
to All That Is?
(yes)
That's when I'll find inner peace
regardless
of what comes
into my life?
(yes)
Where
has all of this left me? Over the years, I have fallen deeply in love with God in ways I
never thought possible. I finally realize and appreciate the miracle of inner
awareness that has been brought to my children, my former wife and me because
of all that has come into our lives. For the first time, I can honestly say that I have a
good sense of who I really am and what my real purpose is while visiting planet Earth.
I wouldn't change
a thing that has happened after whispering those three very powerful words... "God
help me."
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